


For the Love of Humanity, the Corporation Department is Empty

by boredom



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 10:19:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19060660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredom/pseuds/boredom
Summary: Aziraphale is back in Heaven with no way to get to Earth and stop Armageddon. Luckily, a friendly angel stops by to chat with him and give him some ideas. And maybe a prod in the right direction (because let's face it, Aziraphale is an idiot).





	For the Love of Humanity, the Corporation Department is Empty

**Author's Note:**

> I had this headcannon for awhile and with the show that I binged in one day (what, like it's hard?) I decided to finally write something for this fandom. I am not even going to attempt to copy the style of the book so no footnotes. There are people who do it well and I am not one of those people.

Aziraphale’s reentry into heaven wasn’t smooth. He stumbled and fell to his knees, skidding across the floor and probably drawing more attention to himself than he already had. He didn’t want to draw more attention to himself. He had failed and failed spectacularly. Crowley was right; he was a stupid idiot. 

He had gone all the way to the top thinking, no, believing, that Heaven was against Armageddon. That, despite its flaws, they loved humanity enough to keep it around, to save everyone. And yet, here he was. 

Despite his failure to get Heaven to act, he still attempted to get them to send him back. 

“I still have some loose ends to tie up,” he said, though half-heartedly. They weren’t going to send him back, especially not with a pathetic excuse like loose ends. 

There was still hope. He refused to give up hope. Maybe Crowley could-- no, Crowley likely didn’t even know where the antichrist was. Aziraphale had tried to use the telephone, but with the argument and the stress of it all, he wasn’t sure Crowley had gotten his message. 

He was handed his uniform and told off for losing his body. Maybe if he could get to Earth for the final battle, he’d be able to end it all then. 

He sat down, staring at the uniform. “No, that won’t work.” 

Once the angels and demons started warring, it was all over. The antichrist was like a match. You needed it to start the fire, but once lit, the match was no longer needed. And putting out the match wouldn’t stop the fire. 

This was really it. He and Crowley had tried so hard to stop it all, to let Earth continue, and they failed. The worst part was that he’d never get to see Crowley again. The last interaction they had had was Crowley telling him that he was busy. The last face to face interaction was Crowley yelling at him on the street and Aziraphale lying to him. 

He prayed (despite everything he still had an inkling of faith, how pathetic) that Crowley had run off to some far off galaxy because at least then he would be safe. At least then Aziraphale wouldn’t have to watch him die. 

“Wow, there is going to be a lot of paperwork after all of this is over,” a female voice said, plopping down next to him on the bench. 

Aziraphale tried to smile. What was the point? Everyone likely already knew he had been seeing Crowley for years and had tried to stop armeggedon since apparently he was the only one up in this beuracracy who liked the planet. Why was God going to destroy it anyways? They’d spent so much time creating it and letting it grow just to kill it. For what? For funsies? To see which side could actually win? It seemed a bit stupid to Aziraphale that an omnipotent, omnipresent creator of the universe couldn’t just wish the demons out of existence and win the war that way. 

“Hey, you’re Aziraphale, right?” the annoying angel next to him said. 

He turned to them. “Yes, that’s right.” He was about to ask what they wanted when he stopped. He had never seen this angel before. He was sure of it. And yet, there was something so familiar. It was as if Aziraphale had known them his whole life. And their aura. It was… well it was love. This angel that was sitting next to him was a being purely of love. 

He had to turn away. It was almost hurting his eyes to stare at them. “Yes, yes. I am Aziraphale.” 

The angel smiled brightly. “Wow, you were on Earth for awhile, right?” 

Where was this going? “Yes, since the Beginning,” he said proudly; smiling and nodding. They didn’t sound like they hated him or thought he was weird.

“I have so many questions. Do you mind if I ask?” 

It was comforting to be in their presence. It made Aziraphale feel as though there was still hope in the world. That there was still a plan and he had to trust it. Plus, it was nice that, for once, he wasn’t being treated as a weird idiot for living on Earth for so long. 

“Sure, ask away.” 

The angel’s smile brightened. “What’s with the human obsession with corgis? And succulents.” 

“Oh, well, not all humans are obsessed with corgis and succulents. Mostly just the millenials.” 

“What’s a millennial?” 

Aziraphale thought about it for a moment. “I’m not quite sure. Humans started sorting themselves into generation categories, but the categories are all different lengths. And start and end at different times based on who you ask.” 

“Ah, but the corgis?”

“Oh, right. I think it has something to do with their… er, their… butts. And their ears.” 

The angel nodded. “They do have fluffy butts. I made the right decision.” 

“What was that?” 

“Oh, nothing.” They sat quietly, the other angels running around. 

It almost seemed as though they were invisible to the army of Heaven getting ready to descend to Earth. Aziraphale was still afraid that he’d have to deal with Gabriel. Well, he’d have to deal with Gabriel for the rest of eternity if… no when, when they won. 

“Can I ask you something else?” The angel turned to him and put their hand on his arm. 

Aziraphale felt calm and comforted even more. “Sure, you can ask anything you’d like.” 

“You tried to stop Armageddon, why?”

Ah, he was afraid of this. Even this angel who seemed interested in Earth was going to know how bad of an angel he had been. 

“Well, I assumed that because Armageddon is orchestrated by the, um, by the other side, that it would be beneficial for me to stop it.” 

The angel grinned and they had a gleam in their eye, like they knew something he didn’t know. “You’re lying.”

He gaped and made noises of protest. “I most certainly am not.” 

They bumped his shoulder. “Come on, tell me. You tried to stop Armageddon, but even after you were told you didn’t have to, you still did. Why?” 

He paused for a moment. Why had he been working so hard to stop Armageddon? Crowley’s face immediately flashed into his mind. He had tried to stop Armageddon because he didn’t want to lose Crowley. Whatever their relationship was, regardless of what he wanted it to be, it came down to the fact that Aziraphale loved Crowley and didn’t want him to leave. But he couldn’t very well profess loving a demon in Heaven. That was a one way ticket to falling. 

“Humans. I don’t want the humans to go away.” 

They laughed. “You’re still lying, or at least, not telling the whole truth.” 

“I most certainly am not!” Aziraphale scrambled to think of a reason why he wanted to save humans so badly. However, if, no when Heaven won, God would probably make more humans or something and while Crowley had originally used sushi restaurants and snuff boxes to get him to join him, that wasn’t why he continued to fight. And if he wanted this strange little angel to leave him alone, he was going to have to come up with something more convincing. 

“I mean,” the angel continued, “humans are pretty terrible. All on their own they came up with the Spanish Inquisition, The Reign of Terror, Nazis, mullets, office christmas parties. Why are they worth saving when they do such terrible things?”

Aziraphale opened and closed his mouth. He knew that humans could do terrible, terrible things. But they were also beings capable of great feats. Like Crowley. 

“It’s true that they are capable of terrible things, but most of the time their sins are minor.” 

Like Crowley gluing pennies to the sidewalk. And Crowley causing businessmen to trip over their shoelaces when going into their skyscraper offices. They weren’t terrible deeds. They weren’t exactly good either but they weren’t the end all to a soul’s damnation or salvation.

“They can be rude, lazy, selfish, and belligerent, especially when they don’t get their way.” Sort of like Crowley when Aziraphale didn’t give him the holy water at first. 

“But, they can also do wonderful and marvelous feats of love and kindness. They can be cruel to others, but can also be loving and do everything in their power to protect them.” Like Crowley with the Nazis. Aziraphale smiled at the memory. 

“They can commit acts of kindness simply because they know it will make the important people in their lives happy. And most of the time, the evil deeds happen around them and they get swept up in the current. Sometimes they’re afraid to speak out. Sometimes they do but no one listens.” Maybe if Aziraphale hadn’t wasted so much time trying to ignore Crowley’s attempts to stop Armageddon. Maybe if he had told him about Tadfield first and then gone to his superiors, maybe this would all be different. 

“Either way, they aren’t playthings that can be pushed about. They are people with free will and most of the time, they choose to help the people in their life that they love.” He didn’t even know if the angel was listening any more. No one liked to listen to him ramble for very long. 

He smiled and wiped tears from his eyes that he didn’t even know had shown up. “Sorry, didn’t mean to go on a tangent.” 

The angel was smiling at him, soft and warm. “No problem. I did ask and you answered.” 

He felt as if he were returning to the present, as if time had stood still around them and now it was moving again. Strange, tricks like that didn’t work in Heaven; at least, not to his knowledge. 

The angel leaned over. “You know, they’re sending everyone down to Earth.” 

“Yes, I know.” 

“Including the corporation department.” 

“Oh, really. Are they able to fight? I would think they’re a bit out of practice, being in an office all day. I guess they don't really have a choice in the matter.” 

The angel took a deep breath and gave Aziraphale a tight smile. “You always have a choice. They’ll be fine. But, you know, the room where they hand out corporations is going to be unguarded since they’re all getting ready for the war.” 

He nodded. “Yes, I suppose so. Do you know where they’re sending you? Front lines? Support? Flaming sword brigade?” 

The angel looked up to the ceiling and took another deep breath. “I’m not sure yet. But the corporation department is currently Empty. Which means that any Angel that is trying to potentially get Back to Earth would have an easier time doing it Now.” 

“Why are you speaking like that. Are you all right?” Maybe they were frightened. “Don’t worry, our side will definitely win. Probably with no casualties.” 

The angel rolled their eyes. “Thank you, Aziraphale, for talking to me. I’m glad I got to know something about Earth and humans. I’m going to make sure that ALL of the angels from the corporation department are at their posts. Did you know, fun fact, that the corporation department is located down the hall and to the left. First door on your right, can’t miss it and, it's empty.” 

“Oh, yes I did. I’ve only ever lost one form, but Heaven is slow to change.” 

The angel stood up and patted him on the shoulder. “It sure is. Thank you, Aziraphale.” 

As they walked away, Aziraphale realized something. “I never got your name.” 

The angel smiled. “Oh, depending on who you ask, it might start with a G, Y, A, or He.” 

He nodded, confused as to what that meant. As the angel disappeared into the crowd, something hit him. An idea. He didn’t have a body anymore, but they did have some in the corporation department. He looked around. No one seemed to be paying him any attention. 

He stood up and walked quickly, but not too quickly, down the hall and to the left. First door on the right. He entered the room. There was paperwork everywhere and technology that he didn’t quite know how to use. 

He looked over his shoulder. No one seemed to be paying him any attention still. He didn’t know how to give himself a corporation, but he couldn’t waste any more time. 

He closed his eyes. “I just need a receptive vessel. Any vessel will do.” He tapped the globe and found himself leaving Heaven and going back to Earth. He could still get to Tadfield. He could still tell Crowley. They might avoid Armageddon yet. There was still time.

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, I had this idea before the show came out, but I do like how the show handled Aziraphale's return to Earth. I wish they had kept the televangelist scene because I love Aziraphale telling off the televangelist. Still, I really enjoyed the show so let's let some fics stew for awhile and then start writing.


End file.
